Loving Through A Lack

The modern person lives by a lie that states: I’ve reached my potential, I’m good enough as I am.

I stopped to get gas the other day and as I was filling up a woman came on the mini-TV screen to share a “health tip of the day!” She said, “According to leading experts, a simple but powerful way to strengthen your mental health is to accept that you are good enough exactly as you are.” She then invited me to spend the next five mornings standing in front of the mirror high fiving myself while saying the words, “I’m awesome!” or some other self-affirming phrase.

This is great advice if it applies to your dignity and worth as a human being. You are worthy of love exactly as you are. You have dignity exactly as you are. And it’s the job of every parent to instill this in their child. If they don’t, then the child will grow up trying to do the impossible: earn love and prove their value to the world.

The problem is, to uphold the lie, the modern person tries to apply this “good enough” philosophy to every area of life.

 If you believe you are good enough exactly as you are, then you have reached the pinnacle of your potential. You cannot get better as a person. Maybe you can grow in a few skills, or strengthen a talent or two, but overall, the lie tells you that you’re good enough to get everything you want in life.

So, what happens when things don’t go well? What happens when you don’t get the promotion? When the person you care about doesn’t want to be with you anymore? When you don’t lose the weight?

When you are good enough as you are, the problems of life are always someone else’s fault. And your life only improves when other people change.

You didn’t get the promotion because the boss plays favorites or she doesn’t appreciate the value you bring. If only your boss changed, then you’d be appreciated. Your relationship is over because the other person is stupid and doesn’t know what they’re missing. If only they understood who you really were, then you’d still be together. You can’t lose the weight because of bad genes or because every diet you try just doesn’t seem to work for you. If only you could find a diet that actually fit you. 

All of that is way more comfortable than the truth, isn’t it? It’s way more comfortable than, you didn’t get the promotion because you’re no closer to your potential professionally than on the first day you started. Or that your relationship is over because you’re nowhere near your potential as a person. Or that you’re not losing the weight because you’re nowhere near your potential for discipline. 

Potential is a threatening word to the lie because it demands growth. It demands that you confront who you are in light of who you could be. And that’s uncomfortable. It’s messy. It’s humbling. And most of the time it’s really hard.

This weekend, Jesus in the Gospel looks at the rich young man and loves him exactly as he is. He has dignity, he has worth, he has Jesus’ love for who he is. 

And then, Jesus loves him enough to challenge him. To push him to elevate his life. He says, “You are lacking in one thing.” And he tells him. 

This weekend, dare to go before Jesus and experience this two-fold expression of love. Go before Jesus and ask him to fill you with a sense of his love for you exactly as you are. 

Then ask him one of the most daring yet important questions of the spiritual life: In what ways am I lacking? In what way am I to grow?

May God bless you and remember, you were made to do hard things!