The Day I Almost Died

22 years ago today, I almost died.

I was just 11 when the doctors diagnosed me with Crohn's disease and told me that my life was over. That I would have three hospital stays a year, every year, for the rest of my life. That I wouldn't be taller than 5'1''. That I wouldn't be able to hold down a job and so on.

The thing is though, it wasn't the disease that almost killed me. It wasn't the pain. It wasn't the disappointment.

It was the fear.
 
I was afraid of discovering I wasn’t capable of rising to the occasion of my life.
 
I didn’t think my heart could take risking the kind of heartbreak that comes when you take on something that will make or break your life, fail, and then have to live with that failure the rest of your life. There was a part of me that thought it was safer not to try than to try and fail.

So, I went through the motions. I faked commitment. I did the minimum of what was asked of me. I stayed asleep to the real reason why I couldn’t get healthy.  
 
And it nearly killed me.

Sometimes in life, we get lost in a belief that the greatest enemy is an external one. And if only our circumstances changed then things would get better.

The truth is, I didn't start to get healthy until I confronted the enemy within. Things only changed when I stopped wishing things were different and started wishing I was different.

My petrified 11 year-old self never would have believe that in 22 years I'd only have one hospital stay. That I'd be 6'0'', in remission for a decade, married, with two wonderful children. But that's what happened.

For anyone out there today struggling to believe they can rise to the occasion of their life...don't be afraid. You were born to handle whatever is in front of you.

For anyone preoccupied with the external enemy and asleep to enemy within...it's time to wake up. It's time to stop wishing things were different and start being different.

Cheers,

Jack